What's Wrong With Me?

I find myself asking this question often. I used to have pretty good social skills,especially when I was in high school. Do you loose social skills as you age? Or do you just loose the ability to give a darn? I've been told that I should just keep my mouth shut.(my 13 year old has been criticising my Easter day conversations) Apparently, I have a tendency to speak my mind when really no one wants to hear it. I speak the truth & sometimes I don't do it nicely. I talk before I think. I have been trying to have more Christ-like characteristics,but it seems the closer I get to better characteristics,the further I have to fall.

This is an area that I will continue to work on. I think my recent way of conversation is due to the fact that when you have a child with medical problems, you become part of a world that speaks the truth harshly,even when you don't want to hear it. There is always an arrogant doctor to deal with, or a rude receptionist & the worst is an insurance adjuster! I have to have good strong shoulders to deal with all the attitude. Lately,it has been an argument over insurance paying,or I should say not paying for things. All just part of the territory,but I think it explains the recent change in my social skills. So, let me apologize to any one who has been or will be offended by my harshness,I will try to do better & be nicer :)

Any how, now that is off my chest....Our Easter was great!! Claire had been sick for a couple of weeks with a bad virus. We all have been passing around sinus congestion,cough & fever. But, Claire was healthy for Easter,YAY. I have posted a few new pics, you will see how fast she is growing. Our Early Intervention team came & tested her last week. She is right on track in the social/emotional area. That is not a surprise! There are other areas she is behind in,one being speech. I think she is doing pretty well,but when compared to others she is behind. One way to help out in this area is enrolling her in a play group. She seems too little to me to be in a class,but if it will help her then I guess we should do it.

We have missed physical therapy for couple of weeks now,hopefully Claire will be able to go this week. I can really see a difference when she misses it. She needs to keep working out her legs,or they get sluggish. We also need to focus on getting her standing. She is not doing much standing & if she does,it is more of a balancing act. This is not good,because she needs to have her bones develop properly by standing properly.SOOOO,she needs a piece of equipment called a stander. We want one that is mobile. The best way explain it is: it is like a wheelchair,except she is standing up in it. The reason we don't have one,is because our insurance will not pay for it!

I will be calling our insurance company later to try to understand the reasoning for this. So, I will need prayer to find those Christ-like characteristics that seem to be eluding me lately.

I think I have done enough venting for today...thanks for listening. Thanks for the continued prayers, Claire is thriving because of them. I hope everyone had a good Easter & remember,He died so we could live. Praise God! Love to all, Tina

More Carepage History

Cozy at Home
Posted Jan 31, 2009 11:46am
The warmth & comfort of home greeted us last night when we walked through the door. It is one of the best feelings after being in the hospital. The trip to Cleveland was a quick one, but no less exhausting. The doctors increased Claire's seizure medication & started an antibiotic.
Although,no CT scan was done, they are confident it was not her shunt causing this. I am trying to make peace with the fact that sometimes we will not have all the answers when it comes to Claire. I guess miracles are that way! I also had a little argument with God yesterday as I was holding Claire & seeing that scary look of lifelessness in her eyes. I have some growing to do!
In the past, I have made peace with God's plan for Claire. But, as she becomes more & more full of life,it becomes harder & harder to think that she may be gone one day. When she was born I accepted that it could be God's plan for her to not live a full, long life. She was so fragile, there was no doubt that she was being carried by Him. I should still have no doubt about that.
I'm sureI am not alone in this, a lot parents struggle with the fear of loosing a child. It is just that I thought I had made peace with that fact. It is a fact that has to be dealt with when you have a fragile child. Apparently it is a fact that has to be dealt with over & over.Yes, I have some growing to do! But, I know God will be patient with me, while I do this.
I don't need to know all the answers,I just need to know God has all the answers & He may not always reveal them to me, why should He? He knows the plan for all our lives & that is enough. I will continue to look into the face of my beautiful miracle & see her eyes full of God's love & know that He is still carrying us all. I will still hang onto the faith & love that He has given us & know He will never let go.
There is one thing I know for sure,the Rainbow shines brighter after Claire visits.I don't mean to brag,but every single person that saw Claire yesterday was smiling,or even laughing, when they left. Our attending doctor said "she really has brightened my day" & he was not the only one to say it. I love that God has given her the ability to spread His light through her smile.
Thanks to every one for all the love, prayers & messages of support. It means so much!! God Bless & Love, Tina

Catching Up

I fell behind maintaining this blog,but I did post on the carepage,soo here you go...
Rainbow Weekend
Posted Dec 9, 2008 11:19pm
I thought I should give a quick update on our Claire bear. She had another seizure Saturday morning. It was a definite fixed stare,her body was a little rigid,no convulsing,but she threw up. Then she started the same breathing difficulty as before. It seems like she forgets how to breathe. She did not need rescue breaths given, until the ambulance arrived. We were transported to our local hospital & from there to the Rainbow. We were discharged Tuesday morning. She again had an underlying urinary tract infection. So, her seizure medication dosage was increased & an antibiotic started. Otherwise,all other testing was normal for her. She is sleeping like a baby now,& I am not far behind. It is just amazing to me how strong this little girl really is. 4 hours after the seizure she was her normal smiling self. Every person that seen her over the weekend commented on her happiness. I guess God needed her to spread a little sunshine to the Rainbow & that is exactly what she did.Well, I am headed to bed my eyes are puffy little slits,not a pretty picture. Singing praises to our gracious God for His continued blessings & giving us so much! Love to all,Tina