Tuesday, April 7, 2009

More Carepage History

Cozy at Home
Posted Jan 31, 2009 11:46am
The warmth & comfort of home greeted us last night when we walked through the door. It is one of the best feelings after being in the hospital. The trip to Cleveland was a quick one, but no less exhausting. The doctors increased Claire's seizure medication & started an antibiotic.

Although,no CT scan was done, they are confident it was not her shunt causing this. I am trying to make peace with the fact that sometimes we will not have all the answers when it comes to Claire. I guess miracles are that way! I also had a little argument with God yesterday as I was holding Claire & seeing that scary look of lifelessness in her eyes. I have some growing to do!
In the past, I have made peace with God's plan for Claire. But, as she becomes more & more full of life,it becomes harder & harder to think that she may be gone one day. When she was born I accepted that it could be God's plan for her to not live a full, long life. She was so fragile, there was no doubt that she was being carried by Him. I should still have no doubt about that.
I'm sureI am not alone in this, a lot parents struggle with the fear of loosing a child. It is just that I thought I had made peace with that fact. It is a fact that has to be dealt with when you have a fragile child. Apparently it is a fact that has to be dealt with over & over.Yes, I have some growing to do! But, I know God will be patient with me, while I do this.
I don't need to know all the answers,I just need to know God has all the answers & He may not always reveal them to me, why should He? He knows the plan for all our lives & that is enough. I will continue to look into the face of my beautiful miracle & see her eyes full of God's love & know that He is still carrying us all. I will still hang onto the faith & love that He has given us & know He will never let go.
There is one thing I know for sure,the Rainbow shines brighter after Claire visits.I don't mean to brag,but every single person that saw Claire yesterday was smiling,or even laughing, when they left. Our attending doctor said "she really has brightened my day" & he was not the only one to say it. I love that God has given her the ability to spread His light through her smile.
Thanks to every one for all the love, prayers & messages of support. It means so much!! God Bless & Love, Tina

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